Makcik mulut puaka

Tadi di restoran Mamak..aku mintak nasi separuh dekat makcik jual nasi ayam pastu half way dia tgh scoop tu aku cakap tak jadi and mintak nasi penuh..aku taktau makcik tu penat layan aku atau pun Tgh mood swing.. Dia punya bebel Kat aku macam aku mintak nasi free..aku yang tengah Lapo nih terus mendidih Dahlaa kau bebel tu macam aku buat kesalahan besar dengan suara kau kuat satu restoran dengar.. Aku tak panjang cerita pi dekat dia berdepan..dah lama aku perati makcik nih.. Mulut dia nak je aku cili2, kecik besor, kecik besor aku tengok dia..dahlaa menumpang cari rezeki kat negara orang, pastu nak tunjuk besar kepala dia pulak.. Aku mintak nasi tambah je kot kalo tak boleh, cakap tak boleh..yang dia nak membebel macam mak nenek nak memalukan aku Pe kehe?  Ada aku jerit kat dia,  Takde.. Aku cakap lembut2 lagi.. Tp dia punya ayat pedas weyh.. Aku pun apa lagi pi Kat dia dekat2..

"MAKCIK (Dia tak tua pun macam Umo 30 an gitu tp sengaja aku cakap makcik kuat2 biar Dia Sakit hati😈), saya takde niat nak sakitkan hati makcik, tp kalau makcik rasa saya mintak nasi tambah tu memenatkan makcik sy mintak maaf.. Saya cuma nak cakap saya bukan mintak nasi free,  saya bayar OK.. Kalo makcik rasa penat layan customer,  saya pun Penat dengar makcik bebel macam ni..mak Sy selalu ckp depan rezeki jangan cakap yang bukan2 nanti jadi darah daging..sy pun tak nak dah makan nasi ayam makcik yang tak ikhlas nih.. Nah,  ambillah duit ni,  sy sedekah buat balik INDON! Sy tak kebulur pun kalau tak makan nasi ayam makcik nih,  bukan Sedap pun.. 😡"

Makcik tu Kelihatan terkulat2 nak tahan marah barangkali tp yg pasti aku sempat menyedekahkan senyuman pada dia.. Yelah dia ingat dia siapa nak marah2 org macam tu.. Lalu aku pun berlalu dengan perasaan yang Serba salah,  yess Bukan diri aku nak menjawab kurang ajar seperti itu.. Dan aku taktau dari mana keyakinan nak menjawab sebegitu.. Dan prinsip aku Cuma satu biar org buat kita jangan kita buat org.. We may be a loser to certain situations which need us to defend ourself but at the end of the day, the karma(kafarah) will be after u no matter what reason do u have..  In my case,  I might look like I want to get my revenge and yes Im looking for this chance since that MAKCIK has provoked me for several times now..

And today is the day though Im a bit perplexed about what I did.. So I said to myself, you should be patient a little bit more..sebab sabar itu kemenangan bagi orang2 yang beriman 😉 though I failed today, just a reminder for future me😅 and that MAKCIK INDON,  I wish u a great day after that..and sorry I didn't meant to😐

I want to be somebody

Who somebody?

My life begin at 24... Ketika ini I really don't know what I want to do with my life.. I'm not good at anything..i found myself stuck in the middle of the road.. I got jealous with everyone who seems to enjoy and have everything in their life little did I know that maybe there's circumstances that they faced to achieve everything that they have now..

I lost.. I feel lonely at times.. Im still learning about  what I want to do in this life.. I know there's also people like me who at the age of maybe 40, 50, 60 or more still struggling in their life.. I don't wanna be like them.. I want to hurrily do something I love.. Without leaving behind the blessings from god.. Without forgetting Him the Almighty..to keep in short, I want to enjoy this short life to the fullest with love and blessings from Him..

At this moment,  I'm thinking of I want to go to school again.. Maybe law school?

7 Dec 2017

Bila aku pandang satu Tahun ke belakang, aku tak tahu pun apa yang bakal aku tempuh Di masa akan datang. Tapi bila tiba di masa sekarang, aku tak sedar bahawasanya terlalu banyak yang aku tempuh segala Suka duka semua ada.. Dan yang paling penting, aku sendiri tak sangka aku berjaya melalui semuanya dengan pinjaman kekuatan dari Nya.  Tak sangka Kuat jugak aku rupanya..terima kasih Allah swt untuk perjalanan ini.

6 Dec 2017

So,  di saat aku dah tak nak fikir pasal jodoh.. Perkataan jodoh ni seakan-akan muncul Di mana2..bila buka facebook, nasihat pasal jodoh,  confession pasal jodoh,  cerita pasal jodoh dan macam2 lah pasal jodoh.. Aish,  alih2 Apa yg aku dapat dr semua tu adalah jangan pernah putus asa untuk doa pasal jodoh.. Doa yg baik2 inshaa Allah yg dtg pun mesti baik kan 😊

5 Dec 2017

At the age of 24, aku merasakan muka break out yang pada aku sangat teruk sebab aku tak pernah merasakan kulit muka yang kusam, berjerawat sebelum ni..kalau tumbuh jerawat pun masa menstrual cycle jelaa Itupun sikit je Kat bahagian t-zone dan cepat je blah.. Tp time breakout no,  jerawat yang tumbuh bak cendawan lepas hujan tu memang tak sedar diri orang dah tak nak bukan setakat nak menumpang lama-lama pastu siap tinggalkan parut hitam lagi..memang panas betul hati.. Dah rasa macam Takde keyakinan diri langsung..kalau tutup dengan foundation dan concealer pun still nampak.. Dahlaa kita Jenis yang tak suka make-up tebal setakat pakai bedak dan lipstik tu bolehlaa.. Tp lepas dah breakout no,  memang nak kena cover jugak tebal, satu nak lindung kulit yang rosak tu dari bertambah rosak terkena cahaya matahari, dua memang nak kurangkan sikit dari jadi tumpuan makcik2 pakcik2 Bawang.. Heeee..masa ni, pada awal tahun 2017 macam tu,  muka aku mula ditumbuhi jerawat terutamanya di bahagian kedua-dua pipi.. Memang hilang terus keyakinan diri..family aku pun mula duk tanya-tanya kenapa dengan muka aku yelah sebab sebelum ni memang mulus tanpa cela orang kata..kulit aku takdelah cerah pun orang kata sawo matang gitu.. Tapi manis lah jugak bila takde cela. Ahaha..

Kusut dan mengarut

Kadang2 aku rasa nak jadi bomba bila aku rasa hidup aku dah tak berguna lagi.. Tapi nak jadi bomba kena gemuk dan aku pulak tak suka gemuk aka dado..aku suka badan aku kurus.. Sedang2 je.. Tapi aku tak hina orang gemuk aka sado..tapi ada orang cakap gemuk is awesome.. Akuuuu konfiussss lah macam ni...

What the...

Masa balik kerja tadi.. Aku berhenti kat traffic light.. Aku nmpak sorang perempuan ni tak tinggi, tak rendah.. Biasa2 aje.. Menangkap pandangan aku.. Dia baru nak lintas jalan.. Dan2 pulak time tuh tengah main lagu jampi kat radio..bila part, "Dan bila, Kau hadir bagai satu misteri.." masa dia tengah jalan tu.. Nak aje aku jerit kat dia, "ternyata diriku bagai sudah dijampi"..tetiba kete belakang hon sebab dah hijau.. Aish kacau daun betul.. Bila dah bunyi hon tuh dia pun pandang ke arah kete kami.. Aku pn amik kesempatan hon kat dia konon nak suruh dia pandang aku.. Lupa plak kete aku cermin tinted.. Hampeh.. Kepada cik adik manis jalan menunduk.. Awak dah curi hati saya tadi.. Sy nak mintak pulangkan balik hati saya please.. Kalau ada jodoh kita jumpa lagi ya.. 😂

My passion

I enjoy writing very much.. If u ask me to talk in front of others,  just believe me that u give me a very hard time.. And I m gonna hate u the whole day.. It's not that I don't enjoy talking it's just that depend on the subject of my interest..

Usually I love to write about the things that I've encountered the whole day.. Basically something unpleasant.. Sometimes I love to write something which can be a motivational to me.. It's not something for people to read,..its just something that I can look back in the future and I would said to myself well done,  u ve done a good job.. Its a kind of diary but its not..

So whenever I find a piece of paper I start writing and drawing.. Sometimes I just write a songs lyric that I like..so yeah I love writing..

Dream your life..

Dream your life? 

Currently, I do really feel in love with this quote,
"Jangan minta hidup yang mudah,
Tapi mintalah hidup yang tabah"

Why? Before this,  I used to pray for easy life so many times for every stages in my life,  when I was about to sit for exams,  when I was about to go to somewhere,  to go for interviews, to meet new people,  to do something, and all that.. For every phase of my life, there is always something to learn for.. I know it is not easy to go out from your comfort zone.. When you get used to be someone that make you comfortable with the people,  surroundings,  you won't be able to be in different situation that you are no used to.. Same like me..

I used to pray for easy life so many times,  not many times by all the time actually... Why?  Because I always dream to be someone that I cannot be.. And I can say there is nothing wrong with that.. Dream your life will lead you to achieve something that you always dream for.. Dream here is not literally meaning of what your ambitious are.. But it is something that you really want to pursue in your life.. I always dream for a big house, car,  work-life balance,  happy family.. And of course only you can detailed every single thing in your mind.. As it is your dream.. Different people has different  dreams in their life.. And the details only you can imagine it.. So yeah,  just keep strong with the path that you are taking now.. I know,  words of 'easy', 'relax',  'cool down', can be slipped by anyone's tongue just like that.. But the truth is only u can make a different..

Ingatkah engkau kepada..

Ku teringat, hati,
Yang bertabur, mimpi,
Kemana kau pergi, cinta
Perjalanan sunyi,
Yang kau tempuh sendiri,
Kuatkanlah hati, cinta

Ingatkah engkau kepada,
Embun pagi bersahaja,
Yang menemani mu,
Sebelum cahaya
Ingatkah engkau kepada,
Angin yang berhembus mesra,
Yang 'kan membelai mu, cinta

Kekuatan, hati,
Yang berpegang, janji,
Genggamlah tangan ku, cinta
Ku tak akan pergi,
Meninggalkan mu sendiri,
Temani hati mu cinta

Ingatkah engkau kepada,
Embun pagi bersahaja,
Yang menemani mu,
Sebelum cahaya
Ingatkah engkau kepada,
Angin yang berhembus mesra,
Yang 'kan membelai mu, cinta

Ku teringat, hati,
Yang bertabur, mimpi,
Kemana kau pergi, cinta
Perjalanan sunyi,
Yang kau tempuh sendiri,
Kuatkanlah hati, cinta

Ingatkah engkau kepada,
Embun pagi bersahaja,
Yang menemani mu,
Sebelum cahaya
Ingatkah engkau kepada,
Angin yang berhembus mesra,
Yang 'kan membelai mu, cinta

Ingatkah engkau kepada,
Embun pagi bersahaja,
Yang menemani mu,
Sebelum cahaya
Ingatkah engkau kepada,
Angin yang berhembus mesra,
Yang 'kan membelai mu, cinta......
#SebelumCahaya

As i was listening to this song,  i was thinking about all the lyrics.. It was not about the repeating lyrics.. It was about me,  the journey that i've been through.. Many ups and downs.. As for now,  all the past memories were flashback in my mind..

I still remember,  I woke up every morning,smelled a very nice sea breeze as I lived near the beach, took a bath with cold water.. Had a breakfast with hot milo.. Prepared to go to school.. It was such a nice memory...how I wished  I can cherish that moment again.. Hummmm,  I may sound that I am regretting something now,  but actually I am not..

Yeah, I am not.. As I was listening to this song,  all the flashbacks make me missing home so much.. This journey is not easy now.. And the quote is true.. "as I am getting older,  all I want is just a comfy home with a good food and surround with all the people I love.. "😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

This song is like a lyric that potrays the inner me..It's like a voice that reminds me to remember the dreams that I really want to pursue when I was a kid.. It keep telling me to stay strong in this loneliness journey,  the journey that taught me to know who is The Almighty who will always being there for me, through joy and sorrows.. And yet as a human being,  I always forget what I've promised Him.. And yet He will never leave me alone..

And yeah,  He will never leave me alone.. All I have to do is just keep on the faith towards His plan for me.. And I know.. I do know that this not gonna be easy.. This is a plan, so I'll just go with the flow...😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

Lihatlah yang baik-baik

Terjumpa tulisan ni dalam draft..I wonder why I didn't post it..tulisan ni I guess I wrote it about two or three years ago..masa tu ada sorang selebriti ni, mula-mula berlakon ramai yang bash kayu, pastu dia nyanyi tak sedap..dan sekarang dah kahwin pun..
*******************************************

Baru-baru ni kecoh pasal artis yang takde apa2 pencapaian, takde bakatlah,  nyanyi sumbinglah,  berlakon kayu lah tapi buat buku..kalau buku yang bermanfaat takpelah jugak.. Ni katanya buku yang penuh dengan selfie and syok sendiri.. Baik beli buku 99 asma ulhusna ke buku pasal sirah nabi ke.. Lagi berfaedah katanya.. Hahahah kelakar kan Malaysian nih.. Semua nak kecam..

Opppss jangan nak fikir kita minat kat mamat tu plak.. I used to condemned his lakonan and nyanyian jugak tau coz i nyanyi lagi sedap dari dia.. (perasan).. And of course kita tak beli pun buku dia tuh.. Heiii memang taklah.. Baik i spend on makan ke beli baju ke,  tudung ke (alah biasalah pompuan).. Tapi bila dia buat buku semua orang sibuk nak bash dia.. Hurm,  after membaca beberapa komen2 yang menyayat hati, kita tak sanggup lagi, stop(banyak nau masa hang sibuk duk intai komen orang)

I just ignore and teruskan kehidupan yang memang biasa je nih.. Sedang sibuk bersosial media,  i found an interesting writing regarding to this issue.. Tapi kita tak nak lah copy apa yang ditulisnya,  it just that what he wrote actually open my eyes a bit (haa tulah orang suruh membaca malas,  sibuk nak bash orang macamlah dia bagus sangat) gulp!

From what i can conclude,  membuat buku ke apa ke as long as ia tak menyentuh kepada perasaan sesiapa,  menyakitkan sesiapa,  menjatuhkan sesiapa,  memusnahkan kehidupan sesiapa.. It will remain as individual's right.. Dan sebagai individu,  i have the right for not buying his 'rubbish', expensive book.. (ini defence ke offfence nih) come on guys,  ini bukan mempertahankan dia atau menjatuhkan dia (maybe dua dalam satu) hahaha.. So,  what i'm trying to say is,  hidup ini punya banyak pilihan.. (well aku pilih untuk bash dia jugak coz i dont like him) oh,  well up to u then..

Kita tak sempurna,  kadang2 dengan meng'condemn' orang, kita rasa kita lebih baik and bagus dari dia.. Kadang2 dengan mengata orang, kita rasa lega betul tak.. Nope guys,  actually itu menandakan dalaman kita sakit,  well im not saying that im a good person.. Kadang2 I pun tumpang sekaki dalam bergosip pasal orang nih.. Yelah syok kot bergosip nih,  lagi pasal retis uollss.. Hurm, nak cakap bnyak pun tak boleh pasal kita pun tergosip sekali.. Tapi ketahuilah,  dengan menyebarkan kebaikan itu bukan bererti kita baik sangat pun.. It just that we are voicing out our innershine pati berry gitu... Ahahha (nak cakap dia baiklah tu)

Haaa iollss memang baik pun,  uolls kenapa nak gaduh.. Haaa mehlaaa👊👊👊👊👉👈

KembaraIlmumimie

My journey almost come to its end..wah, baru awal tahun dah end dah..? Journey apa?  Perjalanan dalam mencari ilmu.. Moga2 ilmu yg dicari adalah ilmu yg berkat lagi bermanfaat.. The truth is,  it is not an easy journey, segala pahit manis suka duka lara semua ada.. And as compared to my previous kembara dalam mencari ilmu, i think this time paling menguji mental dan fizikal.

This time kemurungan tu boleh kata mainan jiwa dah.. It was a lonely journey and sangat2 mencabar kesabaran hati dan jiwa.. Orang kata,  phd will be the most loneliness journey yg setiap phd holders rasa.. Tapi belum sampai tahap tu pun kita dah rasa perjalanan yg sunyi tu..

But of course perjalanan master ni mungkin not as bad as phd.. And i really salute and admire for those who pursue their dream to the highest level of education as possible.. As i know and concern it is not easy to be on that level not for that title of "dr" only but the satisfaction of achieving what u want in life..

I wish that i will have the courage to pursue that dream too.. But as for now,  i'm still struggling thinking of what im gonna do after this.. But yet,  people would say,  u r not reaching that point yet.. That point of life where u have a lot of commitments, where it seems like u r chasing after the money among all.. Well we are living in the era of u need money for everything now people!

Hello,  even if i do not have that commitments as yours.. The way we are living seems like the same.. Maybe sekarang adalah masanya, umurnya what i think now is just what would i do next.. I know my life skrang biasa2 aje takde yang perlu dirisaukan pun..just finish your MBA and go for evrything that lies in front of you..

I know people.. I know it very well.. Some people say, u r still young and you just have many things to be faced ahead.. But as for now,  what i feel is just loneliness.. I know i have Allah to hear me out.. But yeah.. Here i am.. I still want to write this out.. This journey is easy if u think it is easy.. And yeah it is easy just the way you think.. And people say,  hidup ini ibarat roda,  sekejap kita di atas sekejap kita di bawah..

Cuba bayangkan,  dalam sebulan kalau kita hidup dalam duka sedih pedih kecewa,  mesti ada hari-hari yang kita tersenyum walau sekejap cuma.. Cuma pada ketika itu adakah kita memilih untuk terus tersenyum atau berduka cita adalah pilihan kita sendiri.. I wish that i could implement that saying.. Please go away the negative vibes.. I wanna be a positive person.. All of these issues of mine please i'm begging you to go away..

Setiap orang masalahnya lebih kurang sama, cuma cara kita menanganinya adalah berbeza mengikut cara pemikiran kita.. Kita yang harus pilih kita mahu hidup yang bagaimana.. Mahu terus maju atau mundur.. Yes!  Setiap orang yang dilanda masalah tak kiralah masalah apa pun pasti mahu terus menangis dan merintih tetapi jangan lah terus-terusan begitu.. Pilihlah untuk kecewa dan berduka sekejap cuma.. Lepas tu cari balik apa yang boleh mendatangkan positif vibes tu..

I know,  i'm not in the right position to advise orang right now.. But later if i read this post again,  i know what i am feeling and what i wanna be.. (kadang2 bila bosan suka tengok balik apa yang pernah kita tulis and alami hihi)  you can always turn back your past pages and take the good things out as your pedoman.. Yang buruk2 tu jadi kan pengajaran okey..

This will be a little reminder for me for the future. . As me too, always feeling sucks.. Nak2 lagi perempuan kan.. So that one day if i were in this kind of situation again,, (for phd life)  inshaa Allah.. At least i know i've been there and hey look at now i managed to get through it.. Inshaa Allah.. Fikir yang baik2, doa yang baik2, inshaa Allah semua yang datang adalah yang terbaik.. Aamiinn...

As for the mutiara kata yg i jumpa hari ni,
"jangan minta hidup yang mudah tetapi mintalah hidup yang cekal dan tabah"😉